In Essays on
August 7, 2016

Why It’s Time You Started a Fuck-It List

Because sometimes you don’t want to lean in, you want to lie the fuck down. 

(Warning: this post features liberal use of the F-bomb. But hey, we’re all adults here.)

Over dinner last week, a friend and I were discussing the tricky subject of balance. “I want to do it all,” she mused. “But sometimes I don’t want to lean in, I want to lie the fuck down.”

Take it from someone who has drunk the green juices, done the downward dogs and booked the spa breaks, all in an attempt to be my “best self”.

Balance can’t be found at the bottom of an expensive smoothie, or at the end of a yoga class.

Instead, it’s a mindset. And something that’s really helped me is a Fuck-It List.

Hear me out…

We spend so much time ticking off our to-do lists, making aspirational Pinterest boards, and thinking about our next big goal, dream or plan. And then we wonder why we burnout?

Ask yourself, honestly: How much energy do you dedicate to things that don’t really matter? Or things you think you “should” do, rather than those you actually want to?

Because true balance takes work. It takes sacrifice. 

CREATE A FUCK-IT LIST

It couldn’t easier: Write a list, mentally or physically, filled with all of the things that aren’t deserving of your time, energy or focus. 

Think of it as an anti-bucket list of sorts. I call mine a Fuck-It List.

And I’m not kidding. It works. Because once you stop pushing yourself through life, you’ll be amazed by how much more energy you have.

Here are just a few of the things on my list:

Mediocre friendships. We all need to protect our energy. For me, that means no more time spent having overpriced lunches out of “obligation”.

Athletic activities. After spending my school years forging my mother’s signature to get out of sports day, I accept I’m not the athletic type. If I make it to the gym once a week, that’s great. But a 10k? Nil interest.

Parking. Look, I hate being a cliche, but life’s too short for obsessing over spatial awareness.

Domesticity. While I’m not living in squalor, my urgency to do chores is fleeting. I mean, there are so many other things I want to do. As a result, I only clean properly in a panic before someone comes round, and I’m ok with that.

Giving up dessert. I’ve tried a life without dessert and it’s not a life I want to lead. Sorry.

None of these things matter. They’re all irrelevant. And by acknowledging them, saying “fuck it” and waving them on their way, I free myself up to be as energetic and alive as possible. 

Because you know what? I’m brilliant at many other things. And so are you. If you want to live a constructive life, you have to stop mentally cursing yourself over things that don’t matter. 

Some days you thrive, and others you merely survive. Some days you want to lean in, and others you want to just lie the fuck down.

It’s impossible to be everything for everyone. But if you treat yourself with a little more acceptance and understanding, you’ll find you have so much more to give.


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12 Comments

  • Ksenia

    LOVE this. A related daily habit is to write down 3 things you’re gonna care about today. Anything not on the list? Let. It. Go.

    In a time when we are SO driven to achieve more & more, it’s highly unlikely we can stretch ourselves far enough to nail a work project / complete a gym class / spend quality time with a friend / create new blog content / focus on a relationship / read new things / apply for a job / cook a delicious meal from scratch, etc, etc, etc.. ALL IN ONE DAY.

    Choose 3 you can move forward today, then 3 more tomorrow, and it’s much more likely you’ll get round to it – and with a lot less guilt involved.

    Thanks for writing Bianca,
    Ksenia 🙂
    http://www.thelifedegree.com

    August 7, 2016 at 12:13 pm Reply
  • Emma Hart | Paper Planes and Caramel Waffles

    I love this Bianca. Definitely something to think about, especially when there are so many things battling for our energy and focus every day and week. Oh and I only clean in a panic before someone comes around too. I mean, I keep things tidy and my flat isn’t dirty by any means, but there are always other things I would rather be doing!

    August 7, 2016 at 6:23 pm Reply
  • walkiria

    Love this post! I think this Fuck it list could become as popular as the bucket list! It made me look at myself. I will start a Fuck it list today! Thank you Bianca, your insights and new perspectives never cease to amaze me.

    August 7, 2016 at 7:58 pm Reply
  • Lucie

    I love this post. It’s super cool idea! Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    have a nice day xx
    http://www.inbluebox.com

    August 8, 2016 at 1:36 pm Reply
  • Stephanie

    This is so important, and something that I totally need to do! I’ve started doing it more and my mental health has been so much better

    Steph – http://www.nourishmeblog.co.uk

    August 8, 2016 at 8:10 pm Reply
  • Georgina

    Such a great post and you are 100% right, we are so caught up in chasing the next ‘thing’ and being our ‘best selves!’

    GeorgiNa Clarke Blog

    August 8, 2016 at 9:24 pm Reply
  • Lauren Rose

    Oh my god, I love this post haha! Mediocre friendships is definitely one I have given up as I have gotten older. xx

    August 9, 2016 at 9:57 pm Reply
  • Laura

    I love this, especially the quote by your friend! So accurate. We spend so much time thinking what we should do to to be perfect, when in reality we should just be concentrating on what makes us happy. I’m gonna come back to this post when I next have a bad day and am struggling with these thoughts! 🙂

    Laura // Middle of Adventure

    August 10, 2016 at 3:21 pm Reply
  • The Love It List (#1) - Sophie Cliff

    […] you find yourself getting stressed out trying to do everything? Then you might need to read Bianca’s post about why you should start a fuck-it […]

    August 14, 2016 at 6:02 am Reply
  • Cate

    GREAT! usually my fuck it list comprehends the times when i don’t feel like doing something, so i cancel my appointment or what it is, and then feel extremely happy and relieved! we definitely should be more gentle with ourselves – i am way too critical with myself!!

    xx from italy
    Cate ღ kate/idoscope.com // Win a Marble or Custom Case GIVEAWAY

    August 14, 2016 at 9:57 am Reply
  • hair clippy

    Thanks for this. You always have some awesome posts.
    I shared this on Facebook and my followers loved it. Keep the the great work!

    August 24, 2016 at 5:16 pm Reply
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